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Bear (Gay)

Posted on March 29, 2021 | by freakz

“Gay comes in all shapes, sizes, strengths, and personalities. Just like straight does. It shouldn’t be news that- guess what – some gay people don’t fit your stereotype.”
-Donna Brazile

Definition

A bear is a hairy gay or bisexual male-identifying individual that is often heavy-set, but can also be muscular. Bears are often highly masculine individuals and rather rugged in stature, but the physical hairiness and larger body type is what mainly characterizes bear culture.

Cubs and Clubs

Gay or bisexual men with bigger hairy bodies often hang out in the same settings as other bears. There are also younger counterparts called cubs, that can be less hairy and smaller in frame. Cubs are often partners of a bear, which is how they gain acceptance and access to bear culture and clubs. Bear groups can sometimes be modeled similarly to biker clubs, and can often have a level of hierarchy. Hairier and bigger bodies are the common requirement of bear gatherings. Bears can be very muscular as well, though that is commonly not a requirement for acceptance. Having a rugged masculine attitude can be a must for some bear groups, but that’s not always the case. Cubs are often allowed to be more effeminate in nature compared to the mainstream rugged bear culture.

Participating in Bear Culture

Bear culture has become way more common in pop culture nowadays, and isn’t that hard to access. There are conventions, clubs, websites and adult films dedicated to gay bears, which will make it easy for anyone trying to connect with bear communities. One thing to remember is that not all bear communities are the same, and some have different standards of what a bear is. They don’t all accept more overweight individuals, and some have higher standards as for what they consider masculine behavior befitting a bear. Hairiness is the one defining trait of bears and seems to be a common denominator across the board for bear culture. Not being a bear doesn’t mean you won’t necessarily be welcomed into bear culture, but you may not be allowed into every type of bear club or event.

Ablutolagnia

Posted on March 8, 2021 | by freakz

“There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them.”
-Sylvia Plath

Definition

Ablutolagnia means deriving sexual arousal from washing, bathing, or showering. The word comes from the Latin word “Albluto” which means washing. A much older way of asking if you had washed up was “Have you performed your ablutions?” – this phrase was used for literal washing as well as spiritual cleansing.

The Intimacy of Bathing

Bathing has become the most popular ritual for self care. Draw a hot bath, light some candles, open a bottle of wine, turn on some soft music, and spend an hour or so with yourself. Whether that hour is supposed to be meditative, relaxing, or an explicitly sexy time is up to you. But the message of sensuality is implicit. You are taking time to spend some intimate moments with yourself. Cleansing has often taken an intimate meaning. In movies, moments of intimacy are often shown between people in the bathtub, from relaxing with one another to actually bathing each other. The sensuality of having a bath can come from rubbing your hands or a cloth over your body. You are touching your whole self, or someone else is touching your whole self. They are cleaning parts of you that are typically private.

Sensual Water

A big part of ablutolagnia is the sensuality of the water. It is the feeling of water running over your naked body, running over your genitals. It is the feeling of your genitals in the water. It is the stimulation by the washcloth or sponge going over their body, the slippery feeling of the soap. It is arousal from the entire sensuality of the bathing experience.

Objectification

Posted on March 8, 2021 | by freakz

“To alienate human beings from their own decision-making is to change them into objects.”
-Paulo Freire

Definition

Objectification is the act of dehumanizing a person for pleasure. This can be done through a variety of methods and suggestions, like turning someone into a human footstool, or making them lay on the ground like a rug for you to walk on.

The Fetish

This is a type of humiliation play that is designed to strip another of their humanity. Objectification can involve a person being used as living furniture for other people or roles similar to that, where they are no longer being treated as a person. Having your partner walk on you, sit on you, prop pieces of clothing or other inanimate objects on you as if you were a table are all part of the objectification fetish. It’s entirely about treating someone as an object to be utilized as the dominant sees fit. To maintain the perception that the sub is an object, often boundaries and time limits may be put in place to make sure the fetish is pursued to its highest potential.

What To Do

Because this is such a commonly pursued kink and objectification is a widely practiced fetish in the BDSM community, you’ll be able to find a lot of online discussions and literature around it. Finding partners to pursue this with you and objectify you accordingly won’t be that difficult. Make sure you implement some boundaries around this fetish – setting time limits or making a safe-word for when you’re ready to be done are some good places to start. If you have any body issues (such as chronic pain or mobility impairments), then make sure those are known ahead of time, so that you’re not put into a position for an extensive amount of time that causes you too much distress.

Kolpeuryntomania

Posted on March 8, 2021 | by freakz

“Anticipation makes the hard-on longer.”
-Itsby Stevintary

Definition

Kolpeuryntomania is when a person is turned on by having their vagina forced to dilate, or stretch, into much wider proportions by an object or girthy body part.

The Fetish

Examples of kolpeuryntomania could also include fisting, where a person’s entire fist and arm are put inside of a vagina, which then dilates the vagina to a much wider opening. When the fisting is done in a bit more of a rough manner to a recipient with a pussy stretching kink, it can cause great sexual pleasure and arousal for the woman it’s being done to. This can be a more common kink among women that are considered “size queens”, since they already experience higher arousal with a partner with an extremely large penis. Kolpeuryntomania could involve inanimate objects as well. There isn’t an exact definition as to what can be used to help dilate the vagina further, so other fetishes may fall in line with this one as well.

What To Do

Finding someone to participate in this fetish with you isn’t going to be a difficult task, and it shouldn’t be hard to bring up with your current partners. Take precautions to make sure your partner goes slowly, and that you have either a safe-word in place for them to stop or hand gestures to alert them to your need for them to slow down, speed up, etc. There are going to be lots of communities online that discuss kinks such as pussy stretching, making it an easy topic to discuss with others that have already participated in said kink. You will be able to get advice on what kind of feeling certain items elicit when used to dilate a vagina, learn some handy tips to keep yourself safe and in the zone of enjoyment, and even find some partners that are interested in pursuing this kink with you.

Knismolagnia

Posted on March 8, 2021 | by freakz

“I am grateful for hands to tickle with. Not so grateful for that process in reverse, however.”
-Richelle E. Goodrich

Definition

A person with knismolagnia is aroused by another person tickling them.

The Fetish

This kink is often enacted by another person being restrained or held down so that they can’t escape the person tickling them. The tickling sensation inspires an erotic feeling in the recipient of the tickling, which then often leads to other forms of sexual play. Feathers, fingers, and other forms of soft fabrics are often used to engage in the tickling of another person during this fetish play, and can be combined with different forms of restraint. Tickling play can also be done without restraints, but will possibly involve having to chase the person being tickled before getting to tickle them. Knismolagnia can be pursued in multiple fashions and combined with other forms of BDSM, where tickling is used in-between other forms of consensual punishment to change up the sensations being experienced.

What To Do

Discussing a tickling fetish ahead of time will help your partner understand the types of sensation play that really arouses you. Laughter can sometimes be off-putting to some people during sex, but if you describe what tickling does for you then it may start to excite your partner when they hear you laughing. There are multiple groups and communities about different forms of BDSM – knismolagnia is one that is openly and frequently discussed. You’ll be able to talk about different forms of tickling with others that are interested, and possibly find partners to engage in tickle play with. There are plenty of toys at different adult supply stores that can be used for tickling, even if that was not their original purpose. Express your love of tickling, and in no time, you’ll find partners that want to engage in tickling you until you’re just overwhelmed with erotic excitement.

Kleptolagnia

Posted on March 8, 2021 | by freakz

“Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances.”
-Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

Definition

Kleptolagnia as a fetish means becoming sexually aroused by the act of stealing, by either yourself, or someone else.

The Fetish

Being aroused when you steal from someone or somewhere, and finding sexual satisfaction in either the act, or the watching of the act. This fetish can also be accomplished by watching the act itself, and may be enacted watching movies involving stealing as well, but will usually reach the greatest point of sexual satisfaction by actually stealing. This can be a prearranged form of stealing set up ahead of time to allow for less of an illegal act, and one more of consent. Once arranged with a willing participant you can set up things to be stolen, and then possibly a meeting place to engage in sexual activity together, or to just talk about it.

What To Do

This fetish can prove to be a bit dangerous, which is often part of the sexual excitement which comes with it. To go about it in a way that will be less likely to land you in jail, it’s worth talking to people on BDSM/Kink chatrooms that have the sexual kink of enjoying being stolen from. Finding someone that gets off on being stolen from will make your fetish be able to flourish, and items and places can be arranged to keep it safe for both of you. This is a highly possible kink to fulfill without fearing arrest, but is often pursued in an illegal fashion. Take a little time and join some discussions around this fetish, so that you can gauge the interest in others around having someone steal from them to get off. You can add calculated forms of risk to it as well, where they can’t know what you’ve taken or you steal from them when they’re in close proximity to the items being taken. Whatever adds that extra exciting level of risk can most likely be negotiated ahead of time.

Jerk Off Instructions (JOI)

Posted on February 26, 2021 | by freakz

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
-Lily Tomlin

Definition

JOI (or jerk off instructions) refers to a person giving someone explicit instructions on how they should masturbate. It is most often instructions for penis self-pleasure, and a popular niche for fetish content creators.

The Fetish

This is a common fetish for voyeurs that want to add more active participation in their voyeurism. Having a sexual partner masturbate while receiving instructions on what you want them to do and how you want them to do it can elicit a powerful orgasm for both the voyeur and the active participant. If you are in a BDSM relationship that explores JOI, there may be certain restraints used to ensure the sub masturbates exactly how the dominant wants them to. Other ways to include JOI to your play can include someone restraining you and then masturbating you as you tell them to, or masturbating themselves as you instruct but without allowing you any access to their body.

What To Do

JOI isn’t that unusual as a kink, so it won’t be hard to find partners that will either want you to instruct them on masturbating or be willing to give you jerk-off instructions. Asking a sexual partner to participate in this fetish with you will probably excite them quite a bit, so have no worries about sharing this desire. There are also numerous fetish performers uploading both free and paid JOI content all over the Internet. If you’re looking for some exciting ideas on how to pursue this kink, finding online communities with other JOI enthusiasts or contacting professional Doms will certainly help! Toys may be introduced into masturbation instructions as well, such as ones with electric stimulation that you can control via a remote control. Using toys that can be controlled remotely may also give you the ability to pursue public JOI masturbation with your partner.

Iconolagny

Posted on February 26, 2021 | by freakz

“No nude, however abstract, should fail to arouse in the spectator some vestige of erotic feeling, even if it be only the faintest shadow – and if it does not do so it is bad art and false morals.”
-Kenneth Clark

Definition

Iconolagny refers to finding sexual arousal by looking at naked statues of people.

The Fetish

The look of immobile bodies made of stone, metal, wood or other materials invokes an erotically charged response in the viewer, that may make them want to have sex or begin masturbating. This fetish can be enacted in public spaces or at a private residence, as long as there are statues of naked human bodies within view. Since naked statues of people have been around for as long as stone has been carved or wood has been whittled, this is most likely a very old fetish.

What To Do

Visiting a museum with a sculpture garden is definitely one way that you can enact this fetish, but be prepared for it to be very public when you get excited. If so, you may be able to enact a fantasy of public sex with a partner as well – just make sure you won’t get in trouble with security. Making erotic friends with their own collections of naked sculptures may also be a way to go, or establishing connections with professional sculptors that create them. Finding a sculptor that can form nude sculptures, or possibly even learning how to sculpt them yourself would take your kink to a whole new level! There are a number of different ways to pursue an erotic interest in naked sculptures, but finding others that may share this interest will take a bit of conversation.

Emotional Play

Posted on February 26, 2021 | by freakz

“You are a manipulator. I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.”
-J.R. Ward, Lover Eternal

Definition

Emotional play is a type of psychological BDSM play that involves shame, humiliation, and fear. It causes the recipient to have an emotional response that excites them as it insults or frightens them.

The Fetish

There are so many different ways in which emotional play BDSM can be worked out, and there are a number of sub-categories that fall under it. For example, having someone belittled, taunted and teased in front of others is a common form of shame play. This can involve the sub being put in a cage to be displayed while being insulted, or them being lead around by their Dom while others are asked to make fun of them. This kink is often facilitated between just two individuals as well, with one being the dominant that is asked to shame their partner, either at home or in a public setting.

What To Do

This form of BDSM is very common, but that doesn’t mean you should go into it with just anyone. You want to make sure that boundaries are set in place around how far the shaming or fear-causing should go, so that both parties get the most enjoyment out of the process. Setting hard limits for this kind of play with safe-words in place will allow for exploration without fear of unwanted and negative recriminations. There are a number of online discussions around shame play, fear play, and other forms of emotional manipulation play, along with a number of books written on the subject. Discuss it further with professional doms in online communities and you’ll find a whole new realm of exploration with exciting possibilities when it comes to emotional manipulation play.

Vicarphilia

Posted on February 26, 2021 | by freakz

“What holds the world together, as I have learned from bitter experience, is sexual intercourse.”
-Henry Miller

Definition

Vicarphilia refers to being sexually vicarious, and specifically involves an attraction to hearing about others’ sexual activity through their stories. People with this kink find intense arousal in the sexual stories of others.

The Fetish

The vicarphilia fetish is about becoming aroused by other people’s sexual stories, and living vicariously through them. A person with this kink lives their erotic life through the stories of others, because those stories arouse them even more than their own sexual exploits. You’ll find that this fetish is very appealing to introverts that don’t enjoy having a lot of human interaction on their own but enjoy the erotic stories that come from others’ interactions. Adult films are a perfect example of this fetish being portrayed in the mainstream, because people not involved in the sexual activity happening onscreen are intensely aroused by the erotic story unfolding before them. It is a visual exploration of this fetish, but one that is extremely common throughout the world.

What To Do

This fetish is one that can be explored by just being willing to experience other people’s erotic stories – read them online, listen to them through recorded audio (such as the Esoterotica artists’ work), watch the ones that are filmed, and experience them vicariously through the many available options that are out there. You can easily find others that will be willing to share their sexual exploits in social situations, and may even lead to you needing to excuse yourself for a minute to finish what their story started. In the modern world you need not be shy about asking for others’ stories, and more often than not people will share them freely. Sex is a natural thing that is meant to be shared, and loving stories of it is natural as well.